Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
