He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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