I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
