I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
