I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
