Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize