Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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