She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
