i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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