I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize