I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
