a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
