Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
They should really pass out barf bags in church
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
