why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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