I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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