I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I think my moral compass just broke
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
