i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
