My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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