Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
