did you get engaged???
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
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