I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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