i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
