He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize