I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I currently don't understand fingers.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
