I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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