He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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