i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I AM VODKA MAN
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
