i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
