i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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