im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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