it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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