well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Randomize
