Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
