There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
