the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Who died my cat blue again?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
