Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
