as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
