Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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