The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
