One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
