he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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