I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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