I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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