My first STD was from a foam party
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
