Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
