like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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