your parents love me but you hate me
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
