i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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