some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
