yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize