I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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