if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
