TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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