Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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