is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
