Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
