It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize