just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
