You're so nebulous sometimes
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Randomize
