whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
