Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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