He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
