Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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