Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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