i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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