I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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