he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
