i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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