I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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